Sex and Spirituality
I just released a new online class called Reclaiming Spirituality because I wanted to address something that I think is missing. The starting point of it is very simply acknowledging our shared need to connect with something bigger than ourselves. And moving from there, a huge underlying question for me, and the one that frames this class is - how can we experience this connection to what is vast and unknowable more regularly, even though so often our everyday experience seems to pull us away from this, or require too much of us for any energy left over to contemplate spirit. It seems to be something that needs to be reclaimed, from the traumatic gatekeepers of religion, and from the busyness and exhaustion in our lives, among many other places that we’ve left it and forgotten how much we need it, how life-giving it really is.
In the class we’ll go deeper into some places where I think spirituality can be reclaimed. One of them is within our sexuality. These two realms share a lot, specifically a place where we contact all that we can’t control. So often spirituality and sexuality are separated, sometimes for good and sometimes for a lot of pain. What happens if we look at them together as fundamental needs and places that offer potential transformation and fulfillment?
We’re steeped in Scorpio season right now, with four planets in Scorpio - a sign of sex and intensity and investigation. So in this spirit I share sex horoscopes this week. Let these be a starting point, or a continuation of your own investigation in the overlap between these realms. And remember during Scorpio season that it’s still important to cultivate levity!
ARIES | March 21-April 19
question - How often do you let sex happen very slowly?
meditation - delicate
assignment - Take a beginner’s mind approach to sex this week. Whether with yourself or partner/s, try an approach that you wouldn’t normally take, especially doing some part of it slow that you usually do fast. What happens when the tempo changes? What do you get to experience when you access your beginner’s mind in this realm?
TAURUS | April 20-May 20
question - How often do you use your eyes during sex?
meditation - sensory perception
assignment - See what happens when you don’t use your eyes during sex this week. If it’s with someone else, include them in this, or take turns. If it’s alone, see what happens when you don’t imagine other people or visually fantasize, but just approach sex as a completely sensory experience. What does this shift about your sexual landscape?
GEMINI | May 21-June 20
question - How often do you feel the need for new sexual stimuli?
meditation - the body’s wisdom
assignment - Participate in a sex act that is very familiar to you this week. Experiment with not changing the act, but paying attention in a different way. Paying attention to something that you usually don’t - a body part, breathing, a movement, a position, etc. What have you been missing out on during this event that you didn’t know about before because your attention was focused in a certain area (even/especially your mind)?
CANCER | June 21-July 22
question - When do you take sexual risks?
meditation - risk as expression of love
assignment - Identify something that feels risky sexually this week, and try it. Let it be something that feels manageable, but that gives you a feeling of a sense of risk. Maybe that’s voicing a desire to a partner that you haven’t expressed before. Maybe it’s engaging with your own body sexually in a way you haven’t. Just use this opportunity to not keep going down a road where you know what to expect.
LEO | July 23-August 22
question - How much of your sexuality do you share?
meditation - reciprocity as vitality
assignment - You need to be seen within your sexual self and share that with others. If it’s not received in a certain way that feels right to you, it can be easy for you to close down and give up. Experiment with your own sexual life not related to anyone else, let this part of you live, without any interaction from others. Then when you do share it, you’ll be more flexible about how it’s received and likely feel freer to share it. Whatever you do, just don’t settle into an extreme because it feels comfortable - remember that you are able to bring in flexibility when you choose to, and this is a huge part of an evolving sex life.
VIRGO | August 23-September 22
question - How much do you focus on retaining your own sexual energy?
meditation - pelvic bowl
assignment - You’re naturally so attentive and like to be that way toward your sexual partners. But as a way to balance, practice pulling back into your own energy during sexual encounters this week and see what happens. What are you experiencing? What are you wanting? How might containing your own energy more benefit you and your partner/s?
LIBRA | September 23-October 23
question - When do you know what you want?
meditation - discernment
assignment - It’s easy for you to conflate what you want with what someone else wants, or what you’re supposed to want, etc. So take some time outside of sexuality and eroticism itself to reflect on what you want, what desires you might have that don’t usually have space to arise. If you struggle doing this, just meditate simply on your lower body, your pelvis, and ask it about desire. Try not to move into analysis, just pay attention and see what arises. Act on it at some later time, when you’ve gotten more comfortable with it. Let your desire be something you care for, like a friend.
SCORPIO | October 23-November 21
question - What is the relationship between your sexual life and the rest of your life?
meditation - integration
assignment - How much of your sexuality is shared or integrated with the rest of your life? How much of it do you think should be? Are there things you hide about your sexuality? How might it shift your sexuality and your life if you didn’t hide those things? What about your desire itself? How much permission do you feel to express it? Do you worry people will use your desire against you and so you don’t share it? Take some time to reflect on your expression of sexuality as you move into this next year of your life - it’s an important part of your vitality and the more conscious you can be with it the more balance you can allow with it.
SAGITTARIUS | November 22-December 21
question - When do you listen during sex?
meditation - a vessel for receiving
assignment - As containing naturally more outward moving energy, it can deepen your relationship to yourself and your partner/s to practice deep listening surrounding sex. Listen to as subtle of sounds and information as you can. Try to listen in psychic or physical locations where you never have before. See what this does to your sense of connection and awareness during sex.
CAPRICORN | December 22-January 19
question - When do you experience a feeling of abandon during sex?
meditation - primal
assignment - Move into your body during sex this week. Don’t turn it into something on a to do list, but do set aside time to allow this to happen. Intend for it be more physical and a place where you don’t have to keep track of anything. What rules are you following sexually that it would benefit you to break?
AQUARIUS | January 20 to February 18
question - When do you let yourself desire even when you can’t understand it?meditation - bright and light
assignment - Give yourself permission for your personal experience in sexuality this week. What specifically you desire, whether or not it’s ‘justified’, or logical, or makes sense intellectually. How would your sex life change if you fully embraced your personal experience and sexual world?
PISCES | February 19 to March 20
question - How do you make space for all parts of your sexuality?
meditation - spaciousness
assignment - Make space and time to look at what you avoid or deny as related to your sexuality. What desires could you make more room for? What fears could you benefit from looking at directly? All of this softly, without judgment, just as a way to become more intimate with yourself.